So I just read up more on what the actual fuck is going on and what this means for NSFW content creators and this twitter thread really explains everything and why no amount of petition signing is going to change the direction tumblr, and inevitably twitter, is going
While a lot of artists went the ways of newgrounds and HF and mastodon and whatever else, a lot artists (myself included) just moved to Twitter because we were all mostly there already. But I’m not just bringing this up because I care about twitter, twitter definitely sucks, but because NSFW creators are very quickly running out of options.
Hi, you guys. As some of you know, my sister passed away May 30 and I’ve since been taking care of her two now 12-year-old twin boys. Since her hospitalization, almost everything you can think of has gone wrong in my life. I lost my car, lost wages from missing work, had some health scares, and I’ve not been able to catch up. I can’t even write or make edits because I’m constantly tired and stressed.
My rent is past due. I’m short $300. Would you please consider giving to my PayPal, email is tiffanythomas4@gmail.com. I’m trying, guys. I hate to impose and ask anything especially this close to the holidays, but honestly, I’m desperate.
civilization 5 barbarians: a small rapscallion of a skeleton. his heart is full of malice that his tiny body cannot accomplish, so he settles for smacking your beverages off of the coffee table when you aren’t looking. his shenanigans are tiresome
civilization 6 barbarians:
this fucking dude –
he is made of metal. his bones are covered in spikes and when he howls his terrible war howl, the sun goes dark and birds fall from the sky. you watch in terrified awe as he picks up your car and bites it in half. his name is written on his forehead in three-meter-tall flaming letters, and it is FUCKMOUNTAIN DEATHMONSTER. there can be no hope in a universe that contains the fuckmountain
Ashley when do you plan to write a full fantasy novel in this exact style because holy shit.
“the riders have returned from the east,” the messenger shouted as he ran into the throne room. “it’s true, the beast Fuckmountain walks again.”
“the beast walks,” said Harshsmell the dwarf emperor, stroking his expansive shield-beard.
“and the Fifth Age of this world comes to a bony end,” moaned Bibarel the elf, prancingly.
“that isn’t true,” said a shadow near the wall. a man stepped out of it. four swords glittered on his back, and a hood covered his face.
“who are you, and how the balls did you get into my throne room?!’ shrieked Harshsmell
“I have come to put an end to this giant skeleton bullshit”
“fool!” shouted Harshsmell beardily. “no mere man can kill Fuckmountain! he pisses fire! his teeth are made of diamonds, and inside his head are thoughts only of malice and fucking shit up. no heart lies in his chest, because he’s a FUCKING SKELETON. he’s literally made of bones, the least-stabbable organ. you can’t kill that, dipshit”
“I’m gonna.”
“he ate two castles,” Harshsmell continued, moaning. “at the same time. i was there.”
the man stood his ground. Harshsmell glared at him dwarfily. “GUARDS! this man distresses me. take him away”
the guards moved forward to seize the intruder, but he stood his ground. though his face was not visible, Bibarel studied him.
“friend, is that Skullantula the Up-Fucker that you carry?” he asked
“it is,” said the man. he unsheathed one of his swords. it was made of jagged blood, but inscribed on the side with ancient elfin magic was a skull. both of the skull’s eyes were eight-balls.
the guards stopped in their tracks. one of them gave the sword an appraising nod and a thumbs up
“and Stabslicer the Grim,” the man continued, “and the Killblade of the Metalzillas, and the Large Fucking Hellscalpel, the last sword forged by the hands of the fire wizards of Double Lava Mountain”
“the fire wizards,” rumbled Harshsmell, “have been dead for two hundred years”
“and I’m the one who killed them”
“holy shit. fuck.”
“yeah, I know, right?”
“who are you, that could do such great things? no one man should have all that power”
“i am no man,” said the intruder, and finally pulled back his hood to reveal his face. he was three wolves. “I am Three-Wolves. I am three wolves.”
—
excerpt from The Fight Saga of Three-Wolves Book 3: The Turbo Dragons of Castle Knifedick
“piss,” gasped Harshsmell
“forsooth,” Bibarel medievaled.
“yeah, pretty much” Three-Wolves said. “so are we stabbing some skeleton motherfuckers or not?”
Harshsmell fretted at his shield-beard. the long-fossilized remains of ancient side-dishes fell from its depths and shattered on the floor. “for the past thousand years, no dwarven army has left the depths of our mountain home, The Home Mountain. you will march alone”
“but your dwarfiness,” Bibarel interjected, “perhaps we can still help? we could offer him a mount.”
Three-Wolves stared stoically through one of the throne room’s many window-axes. “i was just gonna get an Uber or something”
“this is no mere transportation that we offer you, friend,” preened Bibarel. “it is the lord of the giant war scorpions, Bloodvizier VII, King of the Bugmoors”
“his mighty carapace is stronger than dwarven kill-steel,” Harshsmell boasted. “and his bitey things are like fearsome spears, if the spears were really fucking sharp and full of poison and attached to a scorpion”
“bears piss themselves at the very mention of his name,” Bibarel said. “not even little bears. the big ones”
“hell yea,” said Three-Wolves. “i’ll take it. also also the elf, because I need directions”
the journey was a long and arduous one, past the lightning spires of Napalm Druid Valley and across the abyssal Killfjord of the Squid Wizard. they knew they were getting close when they saw the giant head of an evil skeleton across the horizon, because that is what they were looking for
Bibarel stared in elfish terror as the beast Fuckmountain Deathmonster swallowed an entire mountain of swords, then ate a handful of catapults for dessert “already he has slain the hobbit viking warhost from the lawless northern lands of Fuckshire. do you truly think you can stab such a terror?”
“stabbing is for assholes,” Three-Wolves said. “i’m gonna skip straight to killing him”
Three-Wolves adjusted his vorpal codpiece and unsheathed all of his swords, and his cape billowed dramatically in front of the sun. then he kicked the war scorpion and they took off at a full arachnogallop across the obsidian plains, which were entirely covered in hobbit blood
seeing them approach, Fuckmountain reared back and stuffed a fair maiden into his mouth. her skin was as white as snow, fresh snow and not the shitty old stuff, and her bosom was really big. “please don’t come any closer!” she shrieked “it will eat me if you do”
but Three-Wolves did not hold any pity or lust in his three separate, discrete wolf hearts, only vengeance. he leapt from Bloodvizier VII and did six backflips before landing on Fuckmountain’s head. Fuckmountain roared, and lava shot from his eyes and melted swords shot from his skeleton dick. while he was roaring, Three-Wolves swung down and hurled the legendary sword Stabslicer the Grim into one of his eye sockets
“fool!” Bibarel moaned, from the middle of a giant puddle of his own fear pee “he doesn’t have eyes for you to stab!”
“i wasn’t stabbing shit,” Three-Wolves shouted back “it’s just hard to hold four swords, and i never liked that one”
he reached inside of his cloak and pulled out a dagger made out of enchanted hell-uranium, and covered with chainsaw blades. he pushed a button and they all glowed, but they glowed black
“it can’t be!” Bibarel gurgled. “the Laser Edge of the Starlich has been lost for aeons”
“like balls it has!!” Three-Wolves bellowed a mighty war bellow and sliced off Fuckmountain’s head, and stabbed him through the spine, and cut off his skeleton dick. he landed, and all the evil skeleton dust was already blowing away behind him
“friend, that was truly amazing” Bibarel gushed. “you have saved our kingdom!”
“yeah i totally did,” Three-Wolves said, stoically sheathing all of his weapons, and putting the safety cap back onto his vorpal codpiece “but there’s an even badder guy out there”
“what could ever be worse than a giant lava-pissing skeleton?”
“this” Three-Wolves said. he held up a stone covered in runes, and decorated with crystals made out of the souls of powerful monster-stabbers “it was in his head or some shit”
“a Thrall-Stone of Beam’uvee” Bibarel gasped. “but the art of making those is lost. there’s only one people who ever knew how to make them”
“yeah, i know” Three-Wolves said, and glared at the horizon “goddamn turbo dragons”
they rode day and night, plagued by bad omens. there was a blood moon, and also a blood sun. a flock of crows died mid-flight and when they landed on the ground, their corpses spelled out ‘YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING DIE’. in the Swampmire Marsh, Bloodvizier VII was struck by the The Great Bugfever, and Three-Wolves honored him with a quick death by twisting his head off
when they arrived in the lands of the turbo-dragons, nothing but misery and woe awaited them. Misery and Woe were the names of the sphinx liches who guarded the front door
“TRAVELERS” they shrieked, in scary voices of bones and mystery. “BEFORE YE PROCEED YE MUST ANSWER OUR FIVE RIDDLES”
and then they were dead because Three-Wolves also twisted their heads off. he was thinking about starting a collection, maybe
Bibarel the elf stayed simperingly close as they crossed the land. Castle Knifedick, loomed above them, covered with towers that were shaped like knives and also dicks. war drums echoed from the hillsides, and later, war saxophones. the legendary kill-legions of the turbodragon war host marched down to meet them
“Piss-gargling mortal!!” shouted Skullhate von Hateskull, the Bloodconsul of the Turbodragons. the Bloodconsul was elected by popular referendum every two years, because the turbodragons had a rich tradition of democracy and a robust social safety net “you should not have come here!!!”
“yeah probably” shouted back Three-Wolves, and unsheathed three swords at once “but i did”
the turbodragons readied their many arms, halberds made of crystalized shark blood and javelins made of regular shark blood. acid dripped from their stingers and their fangs and just their general anatomy, really. for a moment there was no sound on the battlefield except tense silence, and also screaming, because Three-Wolves had already started murdering them
“FUCK!” shouted the dying turbodragons “ARGH”
Three-Wolves was in his element now, and that was the element of murdering shit. a siege pterodactyl flew past and shot ballista bolts made out of the middle fingers of fossilized frost giants, and he chopped them all in half. he got cornered by a legion of thirty one shrapnel golems and machete elementals, and he bellowed the mighty Warcry of the Berserker Liches, which worked really good because he had three separate mouths for bellowing with. after he killed them all he still had enough killing left over for like thirty turbodragons
“Seize them!” shouted Skullhate von Hateskull “we shall rip the blood from their bones and feast on their guts!”
and then while his mouth was open, Three-Wolves pulled back his arm. it bulged with thews and stuff, and he threw the Large Fucking Hellscalpel like a javelin. it stabbed out all of Skullhate von Hateskull’s teeth and impaled his head, and then kept flying into space, because Three-Wolves was a really good thrower. but he was not dead yet. Three-Wolves did four backflips and jumped off of a ballista bolt in the middle of the air, then punched through his chest and pulled out all six of his dragon hearts, and took a bite out of one just to show that he wasn’t fucking around
the other turbodragons stared at this really hard, and all of them immediately both peed and cried from fear. they ran away, and some of them flew.
“friend, you did it!” Bibarel squealed elfishly. then he stopped and stared at something on the ground
“well i mean, yeah” Three-Wolves said, then noticed that Bibarel was acting stranger than usual, and he was usually pretty strange already “also what the balls is up with you”
instead of answering, Bibarel pulled a ring off of Skullhate von Hateskull’s finger. it was made out of fire, and it was inlaid with blood rubies and the teeth of especially evil smurfs, which glowed with wicked necromagics. “it is the Ring of Grimfucler, the thrall-ring of the skull lords, minted in the dark heart of one of the seven secret underground moons”
Bibarel was going to say more arcane BS, but then Three-Wolves took the ring from him
“no, friend!” gasped Bibarel “its allure enraptured hella kings in the Before Ages, but you must resist it! all who wear the ring succumb to its dark ways!”
“sounds fake” Three-Wolves growled “also it’s gotta be at least a +2 or something, so blow me”
Three-Wolves put the ring on and the ghosts of powerful king-wizards and war-sages loomed over him. they wailed with a billion centuries or pain and stretched out bony-ass bone hands at him.
“fuck off ghosts!” Three-Wolves shouted, and chopped them all to death. they crumbled into evil dust and he yawned “so anyway i was thinking like taco bell or something for lunch”
“i guess that sounds cool” Bibarel said “i’ve got like a coupon for 20% off”
and they rode off toward the sunset, which was coincidentally in the same direction as Taco Bell. but also meanwhile, in a far off land full of evil and stuff, they were being watched through a scrying pool full of mercury and hero bones, and the dark shape looming over it cackled and said to itself “THE TIME HAS COME. I WILL KILL THOSE GUYS SO HARD”
TO BE CONTINUED????
Just in case this gets wiped, I’m reblogging it again so we can all save The Greatest Story Ever Told to our computers.
This is like if Terry Pratchett got drunk with the guys who made Doom.
I want a 40 book series and like 20 spin off titles.
there’s a lot of unspoken pressure to keep liking the things you used to like and to keep dressing the way you’ve always dressed and to never question what you believe in and basically “be yourself” has slowly morphed into “be what everyone knows you as” but trust me when i say if you just give it up and simply make decisions and take actions based purely on what would make you happy, you’ll gain a very comforting sense of self peace
I don’t reblog a lot of text posts but I think this is important. I get a lot of questions from new Lolitas who are worried about shocking their friends and family because they suddenly start dressing differently. Be yourself, don’t just be the person everyone thinks you are.
For the last 6 months i have been suffering from non-epileptic seizures. I want to share what they look like, as I’ve struggled to get an MRI referral on the NHS and as the seizures are growing increasingly frequent I find myself with memory loss, constant fear and paranoia, and a number of symptoms to go with it.
These symptoms include numbness in my stomach. we discovered I had a burst ovarian cyst, leading to irregular periods, heavy blood loss and extreme pain in my genital region. I have had a pounding, swelling feeling in my head and immense pressure behind my eyes and in my ears, which have been leaking brown fluid. I’ve also suffered from what I can only describe as a feeling of having a heart attack, separate to the occasions of these seizures, but leading to extreme chest pains and numbness under my ribs and in my arms.
These symptoms have all but destroyed my life. I’m an artist, and I’m no longer able to draw. I used to cook and bake and go to college. I have dreams of travelling the world. And now, I can’t do any of that. I feel like my life has about ended. I wanted to go to Japan.
But now I’m going through these fits, seizures, whatever they are, sometimes up to 15 times a day, whether they are minor or major. It has gotten to a stage where the hospital is no longer able to take me because there is nothing they can do to ease the symptoms but give me morphine for the pain that comes after.
If nothing else, I hope that sharing will help to educate some people on the nature of these… well, crazy fits I’ve been having. I hope to god – and believe me I’ve very much become a praying woman since all this has begun – that no one else is suffering what I’ve been suffering too.
Arigato Buddah, for allowing me to live this far. I’m going to keep fighting for my family and friends. But this is becoming so difficult to do that I don’t feel like fighting anymore.
I’d like to die now.
Bless you all. I hope this helps someone. Anyone.
Me and my family are looking into getting a private MRI scan, so anyone willing to donate to my patreon or tip jar, I’d be sending good vibes.
All things considered, stay cool my good dudes. Life’s a rowdy rough-tough ride. But I can’t wait to get back to being my old shitposting smack-talkin self for all y’all dummies.
bless your hearts and thank you for your time y’sweet beans!
seizures getting worse, of the scale of a 1 to 10 rating
bit my tongue till it bled the other night
one of them lasted 40 minutes
need money for travel, food and medical expense
thank you for your kindness
oh my god, you guys, we’re getting there – im getting there with all the help youve given me
thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you are all so kind for even sharing this horrific video at all
if we find enough money to fund privately then all spare donations will go to charity!
seizure lasted an hour and 40 minutes last night, needed seizure meds, diazepam, morphine, and more in the A&E – lucky i had the NHS looking out for me
still need private referral, since these are not epileptic seizures
please help
diazepam dosage not enough, NHS trying their best but need more specialist help
Rex's place 